


Trade Negotiations

by psocoptera



Series: Restricted Free Agents [1]
Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Drunkenness, Future Fic, Multi, Polyamory Negotiations, Pre-Threesome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-30
Updated: 2015-05-30
Packaged: 2018-04-01 22:38:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4037176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/psocoptera/pseuds/psocoptera
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Good friends share.  Lardo and Bitty are good friends.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Trade Negotiations

**Author's Note:**

> More "I will procrastinate on writing by writing" writing, another "all talk no action" story.

"I want a threesome," Lardo says. She's hanging her head back over the edge of Bitty's bed, with her feet up on the wall.

A beer or two earlier, Bitty might have spluttered or blushed. Now he just sighs. "Yeah," he says. "Always did sound like fun." He's on the floor for some reason he doesn't remember, looking at the ceiling, but he rolls his head to look over at Lardo and nod.

"Hey," Lardo says, "Heeeey."

"Is for horses," Bitty says, giggling a little; he's still self-aware enough to know it's not really that funny, but not enough to stop himself from laughing anyways.

Lardo rolls over onto her stomach and props up her chin on her hands. "No, listen, Bits. _You_ have a gorgeous and cooperative boyfriend. _I_ have a gorgeous and cooperative boyfriend. Are you pondering what I'm pondering?"

Bitty giggles some more. "I think so, Brain" he says, "But, uh... where are we going to... um, it would... bounce on the ice?"

"Nice improv there bro," Lardo says, reaching down to pat him on the knee. "But, no, I'm serious."

Bitty pushes himself up to his elbows. "Seriously," he says. "You want to... like..."

"I will loan you Shitty," she enunciates carefully, "If you loan me Jack."

Bitty blinks at her. "Do you think they _would_?"

"I see you're not asking whether _we_ would," Lardo says wickedly.

Bitty smirks at her. "You want me to protest I never once looked at your man like that while he walked around the Haus naked for two years?"

"I assure you my appreciation of Jack was purely chaste and platonic," Lardo says, like butter wouldn't melt in her mouth. It's kind of ruined by the double handful squeezing gesture she makes with her hands.

"Oh, honey," Bitty says, flopping back to the floor. "You have no idea."

"But you wouldn't mind if I did," Lardo checks.

"... no?" Bitty says. "It's not cheating if I _tell_ him to."

"And he'd do it if you told him to," Lardo says, like she's not quite sure she believes it.

"Lardo," Bitty says, sitting up all the way, because this is important. "You know you could have the whole darn team at your feet if you wanted. Present company only excepted because I'm too gay to ride that ride. But, I mean, if I was going to switch teams."

"That's sweet," Lardo says. "But, Jack, specifically?"

"The magic words would be 'she's so into it'," Bitty says. "He's, um. Giving."

"Ooh," Lardo says. "Yeah?"

Bitty leans forward, like he's going to share something good, then grins. "No spoilers," he says, shaking his head. "But, Shitty though? I wouldn't have thought..."

"On the topic of 'if you were ever going to switch teams', but with more actual switching," Lardo says. "I miiiight have inside information."

"Oh, hey," Bitty says, flattered, feeling himself turning pink, somehow shyer about Shitty maybe being up for it than his own interest in the idea in the first place.

"Yeah," Lardo says, "So, yeah, I think we could have some momentum here. Would you want to watch?"

"Uh," Bitty says.

"Or, you know, direct Jack," she says. She curls up on her side and winks. "If that's how it is."

"Not saying it's not," Bitty says, drawing it out, "But, uh." He makes a face. "I'm _such_ a cliche, I know, but I'm kind of squicked about..." He waves his hand.

"Vag?" Lardo fills in. "No worries, bro, stronger hearts than yours have foundered on the shoals of my yonic awesomeness." She pats her crotch contentedly.

"Cool then," Bitty says, trying to look respectful of her lady power, as opposed to scared of her mystery bits. "Would _you_ want to watch?"

"Mmm," Lardo says, "Watch, draw, commemorate on film. Nah, just kidding, I don't read that as your thing, eh?"

"I plead the Fifth on film," Bitty starts, and then when Lardo's eyes light up, "Oh, shut up, he's on the road half the time. But, uh, camera is different than camera operator, if that makes sense."

"That's fair," Lardo allows. "Do you know what you would want to do?"

Bitty looks down; he can feel his face heating up in a self-conscious, self-satisfied little smirk. He does know, as it happens, and maybe it's only natural Lardo would be curious what he was borrowing her boyfriend _for_. He looks back at her, smile twisted, eyebrows raising, and makes finger guns aiming at each other, tapping his index fingers together.

"Niiiiice," Lardo says, nodding appreciatively. "Whoo. I, um, on the menu, but - " she looks at her hand for a moment and eventually settles on a sort of upward thrust of her thumb and first finger. She's a little flushed herself.

"You should put Jack on the bottom," Bitty says, "Uh, if it - it's basically - "

"Bitty," Lardo says very seriously. "We should watch _porn_ together. Gay porn. Obviously. No vag."

"Lardo," Bitty says, just as seriously, except for giggling, "I do not want to jack off in front of you."

"Heh, she says, "Jack off. You won't jack off but you'll let me on Jack."

That's hilarious and Bitty has to lie down again because the room is moving when he laughs.

"We should take a selfie," Lardo says, "And see if they can figure out what we were talking about."

That's brilliant. "First boyfriend with a clue their boyfriend gets dibs on which way first," Bitty says, a bit muddled. "I mean, not boyfriend. Person. Friend."

"You want to go first?" Lardo asks, slithering down from the bed to the floor. "I mean, swapsies-wise."

"Swapsies," Bitty repeats. It's a good word. "I don't know?"

"I totally do," Lardo says, "I want Shitty and Jack all new to each other like that."

"So I get, like, an established team?" Bitty says. He thinks about it. "Yes," he says, biting his lip, "Let's do that."

"This is such a good idea," Lardo says happily. She takes the selfie because Bitty needs two hands to make his finger-cuffs gesture and she just needs one for hers. "And... sent," she says. "Think we can make it back to the bed to sleep this off?"

"I thought you were immune to alcohol," Bitty says suspiciously.

"It's an act," Lardo says, "I weigh, like, 110, nobody's liver is that tough."

Together, helping each other, the distance from the floor to the bed is climbed.

"I miss our boys," Lardo whispers, when they're flopped and overlapping on Bitty's pillows.

"Yeah," Bitty says. "Yeah, I miss our boys."

**

_Jack  
did Lardo send you a selfie with Bitty_

_Jack  
is that sign language_

_Jack  
or... anime hands?_

_BKnight  
that might be a letter g? and i think Bitty's is ow_

_Jack  
ow?_

_BKnight  
I only know baby sign_

_BKnight  
don't ask_

_Jack  
you going down this weekend?_

_BKnight  
AHEM_

_Jack  
TO SAMWELL_

_BKnight  
both ::grin:: ::self high-five:: you?_

_Jack  
yeah saturday. game friday_

_BKnight  
and?_

_Jack  
and?_

_BKnight  
aaaaand?_

_Jack  
i'm not answering that_

_BKnight  
like you don't give that dick evvvvrything it wants_

_Jack  
still not answering that_

_BKnight  
do you think they miss us_

_BKnight  
they look so happy_

_Jack  
you're an idiot_

_BKnight  
ok do you think they miss us as much as we miss them_

_Jack  
i hope not_

_BKnight  
we should do something nice for them_

_Jack  
dinner res?_

_BKnight  
yeah ask Lardo where she wants to go_

_BKnight  
then Bitty for dessert_

_Jack  
still not_

_BKnight  
i meant he'll insist on making us pie_

_BKnight  
but now that you mention it ;)_

_Jack  
Bitty taught me this emoticon :P_

_BKnight  
see you saturday bro_

_Jack  
see you saturday_

**


End file.
